thanks for sharing!

Date: 2011-04-23 07:52 am (UTC)
I remember being intrigued by the first installment of this, when I thought it would just be a oneshot, and I'm glad that you're continuing it. The complicated relationships between them and the smut with underlying deep emotion are really interesting to read. This is darker than many other fics, so it's good to see that the characters are dealing with the ramifications of this added darkness (Jaejoong's health, his doubt of his position, the way these sessions affect his schedule and relationship with Yoochun and Junsu, etc.).

I'm a little sad that we seem to have missed the part in which Jaejoong accepted Changmin as a sexual partner and stopped feeling the awkwardness self-awareness over their prior platonic/brotherly relationship that he felt in the first chapter. Perhaps it happened offscreen or that first time really was enough for him to make the transition.

You have me more than a little fascinated by what it's emotionally been like for Changmin and Yunho during these encounters, and what their relationship is like while Jaejoong's not there. I really want to know what's going on in Yunho's head since it's clear that they didn't have this type of relationship before, and he was the one to set the tone and to include Changmin.

I'm a little surprised by the Yunho and Changmin's respective comfort levels with kink and Jaejoong's physical pain. In some ways, they seem too experienced (though Changmin's porn may be partly to blame), but in others it does feel as if they aren't entirely aware of what they're doing. I was glad to see Changmin's tender side in this chapter, with the featherlight touches post-sex and the seeming concern for Jaejoong's sleep/health. I (and Jaejoong, too) could do with more reminders that this isn't just about sex and power, like these moments.

As a reader invested in your characters, I was a little miffed at Yunho for not showing more concern over Jaejoong's physical condition. And at Changmin since for all of his rope-tying knowledge, he wasn't the one rubbing the circulation back into Jaejoong's arms and gentling his sub back.

The intro and description of their activities feel like a Scene, but one that's dangerous ... no safewords or clear distinction that the Scene has ended. This lack of limits combined with Jaejoong's desperation to please and willingness to forgo his own physical limitations to do so are worrying, so I'm right there with Yoochun.

There's a point where a relationship is unhealthy or abusive, and they seem to be at that point now, so I'm curious to see how you're going to reel them back in (if at all) and restore balance. A few words isn't going to change the fact that a power imbalance has occurred, that they've gotten off on these kinks, and the direction that their encounters have taken ... so, yeah. Super interested to read more to see how they resolve this.

You've done a nice job with focusing on action with just enough description to paint a picture for the reader (it moves quickly and envelopes the reader rather than drawing attention to the narrative). The dialogue is a little sparse, but it's used well and therefor the things they do say seem more significant, and I, like Jaejoong here, look to physical actions to communicate most of the emotion.

There were a few typos that could be corrected, so let me know if you want those, and I can dig them up. Overall, good job with this, and I look forward to reading more as you produce it. Thanks for sharing! :o)
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