poppy_sky: (YunJae)
[personal profile] poppy_sky
Pairings: YunJaeMin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: LOL, I don't know what I'm writing anymore.

Jaejoong stared at his reflection in the mirror, fingers tugging at his skin here and there, sighing when he found a small wrinkle, frowning at the dark circles that seemed to permanently mar the skin below his eyes. The artificial light in his bathroom made his skin look ghastly; the bb cream he applied earlier not helping much.

Everyone around him said he looked better, whatever bug that he had caught during the last few months was probably gone by now, and he was on his way to being healthy again. He could not see it though. If anything, he thought he looked aged, the long work hours and little time to rest had finally caught up with his looks, finally making him look his age, if not older. It didn’t help either that he had lost most of his muscle mass, his body resembling that of a gangly teenager now. He had stopped exercising after the lawsuit broke out. There was never time, and when he had time he was too exhausted to hit the gym, sometimes managing a light routine with the equipment he had at home. Most of the time he just skipped it altogether and collapsed on his bed, eyelids closing heavily as soon as his head touched the pillow.

And then the whole mess with Yunho and Changmin happened….

His shoulders slumped at the thought of his ex-band mates. It had been six weeks since he last saw them; six weeks since he last picked up their calls.

Yoochun and Junsu suggested a therapist. There were a lot of feelings of guilt about the lawsuit and whatever debt he felt he had with Yunho and Changmin to deal with but he declined the idea. A therapist would be too risky; he could not go about talking to strangers about such personal matters.

Instead they offered as much support as they could, providing him with much needed distractions and their unconditional affection, calling him every day to inquire about his state, to the point where it became embarrassing. He was a grown man, for Christ’s sake, he did not need to be monitored 24/7!

Not to appear ungrateful for their efforts he tried to smile more, to laugh when it was appropriate; to eat more than two bites when they invited him with their families for lunch. The show he put up was even more dramatic when he spent time with his own family. They were better off unburdened with certain problems of his.

He could not decide if he was better or worse. He was back on ground zero, back to how things were with his ex-band members. They were not talking anymore, not interacting anymore. The last batch of food he had made for the tall maknae had rotten in his fridge when he could not (would not) eat it all by himself, and since then there had not been any more Changmin-labeled Tupperware to replace the wasted food.

Not that there was a lot of food in his fridge to begin with…

And wouldn’t Yoochun and Junsu have a heart-attack if they saw him every other morning when he woke up drenched in his own sweat, soiled sheets sticking to naked skin as familiar voices and rough touches clung to the last traces of sleep-induced haze in his mind?

He stopped his prodding and gave his appearance a final once over, deeming it good enough for what little he had to work with and grabbed his keys and wallet. He took a jacket out of the coat closet and walked out of his apartment and into the cool elevator.


Yunho observed attentively over the top of his book as Changmin walked around the apartment, locking himself in the bathroom for some minutes before emerging with perfectly styled hair and smelling of minty toothpaste. He was dressed to go out, dark jeans fitted snugly on his long legs paired with an expensive shirt and a stylish jacket over it.

“Where are you going?” he inquired, trying to keep his tone neutral. There was still a scab on his lip and he was not about to start an argument.

“Out, with Kyuhyun and Minho,” he replied just as neutrally.

They had been tip-toeing around each other the whole week, the memory of their fight still too raw on their minds. Changmin managed to cover the fading bruise in his eye with make-up, the color mellowing out from practically black to yellow in the span of six days, but Yunho could do nothing about his split lip. Because of their injuries their schedule had to be changed. The radio appearances were moved to that week so that their battered faces would not interfere with their work, but that meant packing the following week with tiring photo shoots in between a couple of talk shows to attend to in Japan. Just thinking about it gave Yunho a headache.

“Don’t be too late,” Yunho said finally, getting back to his book.

Changmin mumbled out an inaudible answer as he slipped on his shoes before walking through the door, closing the door behind him.

Yunho waited a good ten minutes before pulling out his cell phone, his fingers pressing a sequence of numbers he had long since memorized. He knew Changmin called Jaejoong in his own time, away from Yunho’s prying eyes. They had an unspoken agreement to avoid the topic altogether, lest it ignited another fight.

There was one ring… two rings… three, four, five, and then nothing.

”The number you’re trying to reach is either turn—“

Yunho sighed, pressing the pads of his fingers against his eyes as soon as he set down the device.

It had been going on for too long. Either Yunho or Changmin would call, but nobody would pick up. Yunho started to worry if Jaejoong had changed his number. He could not say he did not deserve such cold treatment but still, he couldn’t mend his wrongdoings if he was met with a brick wall!

He tried once more, only to hear the same dreadful, robotic voice. He threw the phone to the opposite couch in frustration, growling out his annoyance. Seconds later he stood up, grabbed his discarded phone and grabbed a jacket.

Things could not go on as they were. He needed to talk to Jaejoong, now.


The music in the club was loud. The bass made the glass tables vibrate as the bodies of both men and women swayed on the dance floor, intoxicating rhythms luring them into the packed space. Lights flashed in varying patterns, distorting contours and mixing everything together until forms combined with one another and all that could be perceived was a kaleidoscope of sound and colors.

Jaejoong left the secluded V.I.P room and hit the dance floor as soon as Yoochun had blown the candles on his cake and pictures were taken. There was no point in hovering around the sugary treat; they were all too old to be messing with the meringue and each other’s faces, and there were not any fans around to please.

He danced alone, his hips swaying to a fast beat. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Junsu dancing with a girl a few meters away from him, his body gyrating effortlessly in sync to the girl’s. Jaejoong had no such fluidity, but after years of learning choreographies something was bound to stick.

There was a waiter carrying a tray filled with drinks and Jaejoong waved him over, taking a glass for himself and downing it in one gulp, placing it back on the tray before the waiter could go away. The song he had been dancing to had long since ended and a new, slower one was playing. Jaejoong closed his eyes, feeling as the alcohol spread through his system, and started swaying to the lazy beat.

In that moment he felt lighter than he had felt in weeks. Perhaps it was the alcohol swimming around in his blood, or the loud music that would not let even his own thoughts to be heard, but for a few minutes he forgot all about Yunho and Changmin and his sadness. The warm, sweaty bodies around him provided him with almost comforting company. They knew nothing about him, and so there was no concern to address, no worried eyes shot his way; but he could still feel the familiar heat coming from their limbs as they brushed against him while they moved to the same beat.

He found himself cracking a small smile that soon turned into laughter. If he could only spend the rest of his days like that, how good would it be!

Feeling adventurous, he opened his eyes, intend on finding a dance partner. He scanned the shadowy edges of the dance floor, until his eyes fell upon the bar.

The smile fell from his face. His heart might as well have stopped beating for a couple of seconds and his throat felt dry.

He could identify that profile anywhere.

It was Changmin.

Panic made his limbs move faster. Instinct took over and he found himself scurrying between people until he reached Junsu, yanking the youngest man arm until he turned around, annoyed eyes softening when they found Jaejoong’s nervous ones.

“Tell Yoochun I had to leave,” he hollered in order to be heard over the music.

Run, a voice inside him screamed. Run!

“Are you okay?” Junsu hollered back, and Jaejoong tried to arrange his expression to an exhausted one, nodding to appease Junsu’s worry.

He was out of the crowded club in twenty three long strides. It was only until the cool night breeze hit his face that he dared to breathe.


There was a sudden stumbling noise that had Yunho waking up with a start. His eyes shot open only to be met with darkness, and only the beeping sound of buttons being pressed gave any indication that he was not alone.

”Incorrect code”, a mechanic voice sounded from the keypad by the door.

“Fuck!” he heard the other person say. He knew that voice.

“Jaejoong?” he called.

He heard something being dropped.

There was some fumbling before light flooded the cramped space between the elevator and Jaejoong’s locked door. Yunho squinted when the light hurt his eyes. He used the wall as support to stand, groaning when his sore bones popped. Falling asleep on the floor had not been a good idea.

Eventually his eyes adjusted to the light and he looked at the man in front of him. Jaejoong’s eyes were wide open, his hand still hovering over the light switch. He looked at the closed elevator doors and then back at his own door, before pressing a series of buttons on the keypad. The door beeped open and he scrambled to get inside.


Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s arm but the latter yanked it away, successfully escaping the leader’s grasp. Momentarily stunned by Jaejoong’s actions, Yunho barely had time to put his feet through the closing gap between the door and the wall before Jaejoong could close it completely. He tried to push the door open, but Jaejoong was pushing against him from the other side.

“Let go,” a voice commanded from inside.

“Not until we talk,” Yunho argued.

“There is nothing to talk about,” Jaejoong said, still pushing at the door.

Neither was using their full force; Jaejoong did not want to hurt Yunho who had his feet still holding the door open while Yunho did not want to force his entrance like an uncivilized brute.

“Isn’t there really, Jaejoong?” Yunho tried softly.

He shifted to accommodate his weight better, only to step on something hard. Looking down he saw it was Jaejoong’s phone. He picked it up.

Jaejoong did not reply after that but after a while Yunho felt the pressure against the door disappear. Opening the door with ease he came face to face with Jaejoong. The man sighed before turning around and walking farther into the apartment. After closing the door and taking off his shoes, Yunho followed along.

Jaejoong took a seat on the large leather couch and Yunho had no other option but to follow suit, placing the phone on top of the coffee table. There were no pleasantries, no “do you want a drink?” or “Have you eaten?” Only awkward silence.

Yunho was not sitting too close to Jaejoong but he still could smell the familiar stench of alcohol in him.

“Did you drive home drunk?” he asked, feeling his temper rise.

Jaejoong shrugged. “Is that what you want to talk about?”

Yes. No.

Yunho swallowed.

“Changmin is worried about you,” Yunho said, but there was no answer from Jaejoong. He had taken his phone into his hands, thumb stroking the rubbery protective cover while he looked down at the coffee table as if there was nothing more interesting in the world than the cool glass surface before him.

I’m worried about you, Jaejoong,” Yunho continued. “You haven’t been taking our calls.”

“Should I have?” Jaejoong replied coldly.

Yunho felt the blow go directly to his heart. He should have expected such a treatment and in a way he had, but it still hurt.

Yunho cleared his throat. “I know I totally deserve that but please hear me out. I want to patch things up with you. Changmin and I, well, we treated you like garbage. It was me mostly, since I dragged Changmin into it in the first place. And you didn’t deserve any of that, Jaejoong. I was such a bastard, I—“

Yunho took a deep breath. Jaejoong was still not looking at him and suddenly dread started to accumulate in his gut like lead, making him feel heavier and heavier. The way things looked like then he was almost sure that would be the last time he would be talking to Jaejoong.

“I don’t want to make any excuses, because there are none really, for me to be behaving like that. I’m truly sorry, Jaejoong. If I could take back the pain I’ve caused you, suffer it tenfold just so you didn’t have to, I would. Our separation was never your fault. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, shouldn’t have let the whole thing drag out like it did. Just don’t shut me out, please, I don’t—I c-can’t…”

He did not notice the tears spilling from his eyes until soft fingers brushed them away. When he looked at Jaejoong he saw his eyes glistening with unshed tears of his own.

“It’s not fair,” he whispered. “You shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be talking to you.”

“Shouldn’t or don’t want to?” Yunho asked desperately.

Yunho found his answer in Jaejoong’s silence. He felt as his heart broke in a million pieces as soon as the eldest took his hands away from his face. Feeling fresh tears spill from his eyes he stood up, drying the stubborn moisture on his face with the back of his hand, and cleared his throat in a last act of composure.

“Then I guess this is goodbye,” he said before walking towards the door, his shoulders slumped over in defeat.

“Yunho, wait!” Jaejoong exclaimed behind him.

He halted his steps, turning around expectantly. Jaejoong was standing, his fists clenched at his sides as the emotional battle inside him painted itself on his features.

“Will you call me tomorrow?” Jaejoong asked timidly.

“Will you answer your phone?” he asked back.

Jaejoong nodded, his lips curving into an almost imperceptible smile that Yunho answered with a big one of his own.
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Date: 2012-04-05 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] broken-ephemera.livejournal.com
Aww this is so awesome :)
I ♥ you for it!!
Just read all the chapters and it tugged at my heartstrings!
Dare I hope for an YunJae! :)

Thanks for sharing this!
You're really really greatttttt ♥
-goes off to stalk your other stories-

Date: 2012-04-05 07:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Either you read fast or I write too little :O

D'awww, thanks bb~♥

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Date: 2012-04-05 04:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onewaytrackk.livejournal.com
Omg <333 this made me so happy!

Re: .

Date: 2012-04-05 07:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
I'm glad ^^

Date: 2012-04-05 04:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tora-robin.livejournal.com
love the roller coaster ride.

Date: 2012-04-05 07:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
That's YunJaeMin for you X)

Date: 2012-04-05 05:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lya95.livejournal.com
Stalker is leaving a spot first! Brb...

Date: 2012-04-05 06:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snow-meow.livejournal.com
Yes, and they are back together again ^^

Date: 2012-04-05 07:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Not quite, but getting there :)

Date: 2012-04-05 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spirit-queen24.livejournal.com
srry just skimmed in the beginning....why is there a fight? by any chance, r u referring to something that happened in real life to them? lol srry i just want to make sure there was nothing bad involving them inreal life

Date: 2012-04-05 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spirit-queen24.livejournal.com

I was sooo confused until I realixed that this was a chaptered fic and that I am soooo far from chapter 1 lol Is this the last chapter?

*goes off to read chapter 1*

Date: 2012-04-05 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
LOL, not stupid, you just got spoiled XD;

And no, this is not the last chapter. There are still more to come~

Date: 2012-04-05 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ema-tsukimori.livejournal.com
gOsh, i lOve yOu sOO much fOr the update <3
heart yOu bb ^ ^

Date: 2012-04-05 07:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Heart you too~<3

Date: 2012-04-05 08:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anna6285.livejournal.com
I'm glad things are somewhat looking up, but I still personally find it unfair how much mental and physical torture Jaejoong had to go through and here Yunho is being forgiven already...
lol don't mind me

Date: 2012-04-05 05:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Yeah, but Jae wants to forgive them. Usually people that go through abusive relationships keep forgiving their tormentor (hell, even Rihanna forgave Chris Brown).

And well, if Jae never forgave them then there wouldn't be a pairing and people DID vote for a pairing so yeah :|

Date: 2012-04-05 12:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3uromanc3r.livejournal.com
Ahhh... it sounds promising... I'm glad they're trying to fix things finally. But I still can't decide between YunJae and MinJae...

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Date: 2012-04-05 05:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
It's already been decided hahaha, so don't fret about it :)

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Date: 2012-04-05 01:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dulanis.livejournal.com
Should I hope for HoMinJae???? And love the chapter. Yunho is great, apologizing like that. Jae needs to adjust to them slowly.
I love this :)

Date: 2012-04-05 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
You have to wait and see ;D

Your icon is always so distracting, LOL.

Date: 2012-04-05 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paprika.livejournal.com
yesss things are finally getting better for the three of them!

thanks for the update bb, it's awesome ♥

Date: 2012-04-05 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
There is no point in dragging the angst hehehe.

No problem~♥

Date: 2012-04-05 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marinamirabella.livejournal.com
Ah, at last we're starting to get somewhere in the right direction XD

Date: 2012-04-05 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
First step to recovery is admiting there is something wrong~ *nods*

Date: 2012-04-06 12:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shinchul303.livejournal.com
"I want to patch things up with you."

Patch things up with you?!!

How about get down on your effing knees and BEG for forgiveness?

I just read all your chapters, and after the first couple, I must admit I wanted to walk away. But kept going.

Glad I did. Jae has done his penance, now Min and Ho have to do theirs.

As for your poll pairing choices...how about OT5?

Date: 2012-04-06 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
LOL, and slit your wrists and offer your blood to Jae-God to atone for your sins?

The poll is closed ^^;

Date: 2012-04-06 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ae-yeon.livejournal.com
OMG.. I almost thought Jaejoong really didnt want to talk to Yunho and Changmin ever again.
Actually Im confused at one part..
Didnt Jaejoong willing brought himself to HoMin's apartment? And he goes back even after what they did to him?
How come it seems like suddenly he blamed HoMin for what they did to him?

Date: 2012-04-06 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Actually, they are in Jae's apartment.

Jaejoong went back because he spotted Changmin only to find Yunho waiting at his door XD

And well, Jae actually WANTS to go back to Yunho and Changmin. He does not want the abuse, but he wants to keep meeting with them. Think of everyday abusive relationships. It takes a lot of forgiving and going back to their tormentor before the victim says "okay this is enough, I'm out." Jae is torn because he SHOULD stay away but his heart tells him differently.

I tried to get all that in there but I think I didn't do a very good job towards the end of the chapter, sorry ;;

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Date: 2012-04-11 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rennonyanyan.livejournal.com
Here I aaaammm :D I just read chap 4 to this. Here we go.

Wow it was amazing on how things would go so fucked up after all those hot steamy sex o_o I was expecting moar smut but oh god, poor jaejoong :( I think he's quite torn since yoochun told him to choose :( maybe things aren't really that fucked up. Maybe if yoosu took the whole thing calmly, not confronting, jaejoong would be a little easier to say no. Then again, yunho and changmin are doing quite a nice job in taking care of jaejoong. I really don't understand why chun is persistent in making no more connection with the remaining two. Yeah well they done bad but, urgh, like you've did a good thing, chun -_- but this chap is nice. I can sense things are going to get better. Jae needs to feel the real happiness even for a bit. Not pretending to be happy all the time when he didn't :( sorry for the rambling! I think I just get quite excited with how everything turned out xD keep on writing! (/^▽^)/

Date: 2012-04-11 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
I just skipped through the smut, sorry ;;
There will be more smut in the future so ...yeah.

Well, they have Jae's best interests in mind. It's like seeing your friend engage in an abusive relationship. Of course you want them out of it.

Yunho and Changmin are being nice only after they were mean, just remember that ;)

And well Chun would've liked to hang out with them and stuff if every time his best friend went with them he didn't return all bruised and battered.

It looks like a huge mess right now but they'll patch things up in the future, just wait ^^

Date: 2012-04-12 11:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phinea2009.livejournal.com
It's good that the healing will start. But will Yoochun & Junsu make up with Yunho & Changmin? I can't see them forgiving the two that easily. Will Jaejoong be the one to bring them together?

I hope Jaejoong doesn't hurt anymore. He's too soft hearted.

Look forward to your next chapter.

Date: 2012-04-20 02:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Ugh... late reply ;;

Jaejoong needs to organize his feelings, for lack of a better word hahaha.

Date: 2012-04-13 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uw1m4.livejournal.com
Oh... a small step towards a reconciliation? perhaps? ^.^
I can't blame Jaejoong for trying to run away not to be seen by two of them though... they treated him inhumanly ...

Date: 2012-04-20 02:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Sorry for the late reply.

Jaejoong is confused as to how he thinks about them, part of him is aware of the pain they caused him and another part is still longing for them...

For him talking to them would be throwing YooSu's efforts to waste as well, so that's why he avoids them ^^;

Date: 2012-04-20 12:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] takemydream.livejournal.com
hey I just found this fic a few days ago ^^ Anyway it's really great and I can't wait to read more!

Date: 2012-04-20 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it so far :)

♥ YunJaeMin ♥

Date: 2012-05-31 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elisa-eb.livejournal.com
I was looking for a YunJaeMin fanfic for such a long time until I finally found yours. I truly love it! And I love YunJaeMin (absolutely my favourite couple(s?)of all) - so whenever you will end this story, please, let YunJaeMin be together ... please, please, please. :')

Re: ♥ YunJaeMin ♥

Date: 2012-05-31 12:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
Omo, bb ♥

And about the pairing... we'll see :)

Re: ♥ YunJaeMin ♥

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Re: ♥ YunJaeMin ♥

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Date: 2012-06-11 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silvermarwolf.livejournal.com
I was looking all over for this fic! glad i found it :) It still sad but I'm glad things are starting to turn around....hopefully.

Date: 2012-08-11 02:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lisblomma.livejournal.com
Ah~ I can't wait any longer. XD Please update soon! :D

Date: 2012-08-11 02:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lisblomma.livejournal.com
YunJaeMin~ please

Date: 2012-09-07 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flidi.livejournal.com
When do you continue this heartbreaking story? Do not allow Jae to pain for a long time. I hope that Yunho and Changmin will suffer very much.

Date: 2012-09-08 04:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poppy-sky.livejournal.com
IDK when I'll finish it to be honest.... my muse left without even leaving a note :'(

Sorry OTL. I'll finish it for sure just... don't know when.

Date: 2012-09-29 12:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shimlis.livejournal.com
Can't wait! :)
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